Kelly's Story - You Are Not Alone & Where to Turn

Date Posted: Wed, May 31 2000

Hi, I'm Kelly and I am 36 years old. I spent my grade school years being molested by my brother. That was all I knew..I knew I could never take a bath or a shower without him coming in. I knew I could never have a full nights sleep because of him coming in my room in the middle of the night. I could not go outside without him coming to look for me. We have stepsisters that he would also molest..whoever he was molesting at the time, the rest of us had to watch, sometimes telling us to get flashlights so we could see everything..we didn't know any better..we did what he said because he was older and stronger and we could never tell cause he said it would be very bad if anyone found out. I also remember that he tried with the babysitters and my dad's secretery. ( the office was attached to the house) He made me watch then too. We were just kids..I thought. Well, the secretary told mom and dad. They talked to him and said that it wasn't right, I had hoped and prayed that it would stop but no, he was in my room that same night..Finally, it got to a point that something told me that all this was not right..I felt differant, I'm guessing puberty. I tried to stay away as much as I could. Spending the night with friends etc. I not only got tired of the molesting but also the name calling. He always called me names and said how ugly and fat I was..until I began to believe it myself. I finally have realized, thanks to my husband, that I never was ugly or fat,now I know differant, I wish I had known that through school, I would have participated in school activities, see, he took all that away too.. One of the bad things that came out of this is I always had to keep things bottled in, never telling anyone anything..to the point that I was date raped and raped in my own house, in my own bed..this guy I was seeing, I was about 15 then and he was alot older,mom and dad didn't know how old he was.. came to my window in the middle of the night and said he needed to see me. He came in the window but he was not by himself, he had brought a friend..they were both drunk..my boyfriend climbed on top of me and said they were going to have their way with me..I kept saying no but they were drunk and don't know if they even heard me, I'm sure they did, but anyway, they both raped me..I could have screamed and mom and dad would have woke up and helped me but because of what I had been taught, I didn't do a thing..My parents don't even know about the rape at all, even today they don't know..I just figured out recently that it was not my fault..Boy was that a load off my shoulders..all these years I thought it was my fault..I am still trying to heal from this. I finally told my mom about my brother when I was 21 years old..she kept pushing to get with my brother, he is the only one I have etc..I got so tired of hearing it that I just burst out in the middle of Kmart and told her..we left very quickly, went home, talked for a bit and they talked to my stepsisters, then him, told him it was wrong and that was it...they offered us girls counsling but at the time we thought we had it whipped. Now I wish I had gone.. Anyway, that was the end of that. No one ever talked about it again..talk about denial. Mom still says I should start talking to him and be brother and sister again..when I bring it up she changes the subject again..like it never happened..I don't know what she thinks.. What I do know, is that I have gotten on with my life, it is my turn to be happy and it is your turn too..please, your first step is to talk to someone you can trust. I've been through alot in my life and if you want to talk to me about anything, anything at all, I will sure listen and do the best I can to help you get through your rough times. Life is so hard sometimes and if you could just talk things out,I promise you will feel a little better.We will survive, I am a survivor, you can be too.

Thank you and Take Care.......Kelly