Profile: Male. 10 Yrs Old. USA Original Post Date: Wednesday, June 15, 2000
hey people, my name is AJ connors and im 10 years old. im 1 out of the 3 guys in our family. orignally im from florida but when i was about 1 years old i had aready been to 3 foster homes. i finally settled at an apartment in minnesota where iam now. my dad is a bar tender and gets drunk often and my mom works late at a hospital, so shes is never home. the abuse started when i was 3 years old on my birthday i can still remember sleeping in late and having my dad pick me up saying happy b day and acting all nice. my mom was at work at most of my siblings were at school so it was me and my dad and my big sister katie who doesnt go to school she is homed schooled by my aunt. when my aunt came to give katie her lessons i was always picked up and shoved in a dark closet that was locked untill my sister let me out. i would sit there crying for hours because i was locked in and scared but no one would come. That happend almost everyday. now that im in 7th rade he really cant put me in closets. but he can still put my little 5 year old sister abbie and angie in there. i always protect them which gets me in trouble. if my sisters accidently spilled something or forgot to make there bed or something he would hit them with a belt. i would try to stop it and get hit my self with a the belt and sometimes would throw glass at me but most of the time he would get the big bat for me and only me. it hurt alot to get hit with that bat. the sharp swing of my dad as a medal bat hitting your skin with a sharp edge of pain and a long cut leaving where it hit. schools wasnt much better for me. there is a girl named tiffany and she rapes and touches guys against there will. one day i was walking down the hallway on the way to my gym class,late but with a pass. when i passed the janitors office i felt a big force pushing me down. It was tiffany,sam,brittney and silina they jumped on my back and threw me to the floor. now i know this sounds dumb but i wont hit girls even for self defense so i couldnt really do anything and plus is was in shock. they were on my back and i was yelling for them to get off and i felt the force weeken as 2 of the girls got off and tryed to drag me to the closet well thats what they did. i tryed everything to get them off they had a good plan. they flipped me over and started touching me and taking off my clothes slowly i was screaming for help but no one responded. the next thing i knew i was laying on the floor in just boxers all alone and confuesed and scared. my mind blurred what should i do next? i ran over to my girl friend who just came out of 3rd hour and told her about it. i reported it and was once again safe. they also saw some of my cuts and bruises from my dad asked me about it and now hes gone too! im so glad i told,or i would still be there.
Dana's Story (Original Post 1999?)
Good News,Dana was proud to report to us that she
is making a sucsess out of her life, she is writing her own music and preparing for
concerts and college.
As Dana writes "that ms. trouble girl is now making a life, and how I might be on my road to success, that miracles do happen and there is always good after bad."
My parents are divorced, they got divorced 11 years ago so I lived my childhood without a mother. I got tossed around by our maids, my father gave them the liberty to do whatever they wanted with me and my sister. Anyways, he used to beat me alot, he used to stick needles on my hands if I opened the presents my firends gave me on my b-day, that was like, when I was 7 years old. Things got worse then, when I was 10, it was Ramadan (our fasting month) I was up at 5 in the morning to get a drink of water before the sun would rise, so he just came from behind me and started to caress my breasts. I didn't know what was going on but I did know that it was wrong, I couldn't sleep for a long time, I was always afraid to go to bed at night fearing that it would happen again, and it did happen again and again and again. Once he took me out for my 13th b-day and got drunk, we came back home at around 11 at night and I was in my room changing, once I was dressed in my nighties he came in and make me take off my clothes. He never went beyond feeling me, but it was still bad. I told my uncle and his wife and they believed me but refused to do anything, I told my mother once when we called her and she went crazy but couldn't help us because he had our costudy and we had no prove, because I'm an arab in an arab country I had to have prove that he did that. Anyways, it went on till I was 13 and 1/2 then I couldn't take it anymore and I threw a chair at him, he stopped talking to me then and the sexuall abuse stopped, but he started then doing something else, he would lock me in my room for 10 days sometimes and I couldn't get out, I got sick a lot and sometimes he would walk in and start yelling and swearing at me, calling me a whore and a bitch, and then he would go and tell our neighbors that I sleep around and that I'm basically a whore. Finally my sister and I got to visit our mother in Jordan, she is married to a wonderful man, we told them that we didn't want to go back and my step-father immediatly contacted his lawyer a! nd called our father and told him that we are not comming back, our father denied it and called us lairs but he didn't object to our living with our mother, in fact he did us a favor by asking us never to speak to him again. I haven't for 2 years. He is now married and he has 2 children, a boy and a girl, I'm very worried about them but I know that I can't help them because there is nothing I can do. That's why I want to help people, if they would let me help them. I know that I can never take away the pain and heal the scars, but I want them to live. I am still not really over it, I don't think that I ever will be but I am learning how to deal with it and I think I can teach kids to do that. Dana
Original Post: Wednesday, Sep 10, 2000
hello-my name is jennifer and i am 16. id like to help other people out buy listening and giving advice or sharing my stories. My mother died when i was 6. i was not allowed to see her in the hospital. my stepmother abused me. she cut all my hair off, and refused to let me eat. my dad became an alcoholic...i became clinically depressed, anorexic and bulemic, and started cutting my hands. i was on and off eating disorders for the last 6 years. cutting lasted untill last december. my scars will be lazered off in november. i failed three classes last year and had to go to summer school because i started doing drugs. i have never had sex though i was raped this past febuary by having my drink drugged. i have been hospitalized, and treated. i have also been classified with having a borderline personality disoder. i am on my third stepmom and my 17th school. i know what its like to not value life because i tried to kill myself three times. ive had five friends die. but no matter how depressed and sad i got i never died. and im enjoying life now. i will continue therapy probably for the rest of my life...but its good having one so i want to make the best of it. thank you.
Julie's Story (from Where 2 Turn)
Original Date Post: Thursday, April 6 2000
I turned 17 in January, and I'm from Canada. And yes I check my mail often.
Alright, here's my story, and I hope it helps someone! When I was little, maybe about five, my father developed a hate towards me that I still don't understand. I tried to please him, but whatever I did was wrong. My little brother got the royal treatment, and soon he also developed a hate towards me. To stop our fighting, my father would lock me in the basement, once for a weekend without food, water, light, or heat. At nights, I could hear my parents fighting, usually about the way my father treated me. I heard on many occasions my mother being beaten, and thinking that it was all my fault, I soon wanted nothing more than to leave life. I tried to take my life on numerous occasions, but as you can see I'm still here. When I was about eight, my father started attacking me. For some reason these beatings turned him on, and when I was fifteen I became pregnant. I miscarried after a very serious beating and ended up in the hospital. I was put in a foster home, where the sexual abuse was worse than at my parents' house, so I said that I had lied about the abuse of my father and wanted to go home. I hope I can help kids in similar situations with my experiences. God bless, and feel free to e-mail me!
Katherine's (Australia) Story - GRAPHIC
Date of Original Post: Wed, May 31 2000
Hi Im Katherine. I'm from Australia
i was just a normal girl. i had a caring family and a nice new house in sydney. i had just moved from adelaide coz my dads job had been transfered. well i was on my first day at school when two guys came up to me and asked me out and i jokingly said well i cant go out with both of you and one of them said why not. well this made me feel very uncomfortable and shocked so i said no and walked away. a few months had gone by and i was in a nice group of girls and i had a boyfriend.i was going to a party that night and i was pretty excited seeing it was my boyfriends friends party and i knew lots of older people were going to be there. the party was going well until i was going to the bathroom. when i got there, there was a girl spewing in the toilet so i asked someone if they knew where another toilet was and they said upstairs and so i went up and when i went to the toilet someone knocked on the door and i said i was in here so theyde have to wait. ok they said and when i was walking back no one was there so i started walking back and when i was walking past a door it opened and i was pulled in i screamed put they put there hand over my mouth. sure enough it was the two boys who had asked me out on my first day. i was so scared that i peed myself. they held me down and started to rip my clothes off and then i felt one of the guys bodies on me and i felt my vagina being ripped apart. i was in so much pain. the guys were completely in the nude now and one of them was sitting on my head so there penis was on my mouth and i tried to keep it shut and he was blocking my nose so i had to open it to breath it was so horrible. the other guy was sticking his fingers into my vagina and than he started licking me. this went on about two hours and when they had finished one of the guys said to me that he'd kill me and make it a slow death and repeat all that he'd done tonight than he left. i couldnt put my clothes back on as they were ripped so i put on a nightgown that wasin the bedroom and i cleaned up all the blood and mess and ran home. i was in such a mess that i couldnt go to the toilet without pain and bleeding and i cried constantly. rumours spread that i was a phyco. the guys changed schools which was good for me. i was still in a bad state and i started turning on drugs. this went on for two years when i finally got help andthey couldnt find the guys but my advise is tell someone straight away even if they threaten to kill you coz otherwise those two boys will be locked up and not out there raping some other poor girl.
Mary Ann's (Crysta's) Story
Date of Original Post: Wednesday, May 31 2000
Here's my story...it's not very long...but I don't think I can go into detail as I am still trying to work it out myself. My life has been pretty good actually, so I really shouldn't complain. But when I was 12..I'm 19 now...my cousin sexually abused me for about a year....it didn't really go too far, it was basically just touching. I hated it so much though, I just wanted to make him stop. It took me about a year to make him stop and he finally did like when I was 13. The abuse threw me into a life full of anger and aggression which I took out on my family. I was a total witch to my family, almost to the point where I would be thrown out of the house permanently if I didn't change something. I was never happy, and I think I was depressed with my life's situation. I have just begun to change things, I just recently told my parents what happened. When I told, I think I went into an emotional breakdown, this was something that I had kept secret for so long... and when I finally decided to tell the stress of telling had been building up, I just totally broke down. I opted not to get my cousin's family involved, so as far as my knowledge goes, they still don't know...it's hard to see my cousin, but I think I have forgiven him. I have a better relationship now with my parents and siblings, and I am so much more happy now than I ever was before. I want others to feel this happiness because it feels so good, I'm finally on my way to healing, so if I can just help one person I would feel like I've done something good in this world.
I am usually free to write to people all the time, I always write back. I know what it is like to need someone to talk to, so I just want people to know that I am here for them.
Wendy's (Serial Pix's) Story
When I was 11 years old I got into a big fight with my parents and my dad hit me and told me he hated me so i retreated to the bathroom and I took a half of a bottle of asprin and handfulls of muscle relaxers and any pills I could swallow. My parents eventually discovered me and took me to the hospital. After they stuck a giant tube down my throat and drowned my stomach with liquid charcoal, I was quickly admitted to Charter, my first rehab center, but it would definately not be my last. My family and I tried therapy but it only made things worse. My dad has the worst temper I have ever seen and his patience is so much worse. Whenever he got angy he would hit me and say horrible things that I sometimes still cry about. He never did good in group, especially if he was wrong or at fault. I pretty much faked being happy and was out in 4 weeks. when I got home nothing changed. My parents couldn't stand me and I detested them so when I was 13 I ran away from home but seeing as how I didn't know anything about living on the streets I was arrested by the police within 24 hours and taken to a runaway shelter. My parents wouldn't take me out so I had to stay there for 31 days. Again, nothing changed at home except for my dads anger for having to pay for my "treatment programs". As I entered the 7th grade I discovered something that relieved me from the stress of my parents and the depression from life; pot. I loved to smoke weed because it was such an escape at first. I didn't care about a thing until one friday night my dad hit me again. I was so hurt that night so I snuck out with some friends and got drunk and high. It's not smart to mix depression and alcohol together. When I got home I took a kitchen knife and tried to slit my wrists. Of course my parents sent me back to rehab. I went right back to Charter and the diagnosed me as manic depressive. They released me 4 weeks later and things got worse over time. I turned 14 and with my birthday came a great anger problem. I could not control my temper but my parents delt with it, hoping the medication would help and feeling guilty for treating me like shit for so long. But you can only take so much from someone so they sent me away to a differnt rehab for 3 and a half months and afer that they sent me to long term. I was in rehab for a year and a half. There I learned how to control my anger, depression, addiction, and how to try to keep my dad from hitting me. I got home happy and looking forward to starting over again. Well, everything fell back to the way they were in no time. I started The ninth grade and met my best friend. I stayed at her house quite a bit and one night her mom offered me cocaine. I didn't want to look like a wimp so I did a few lines and my whole life changed. Forget pot or vodka, coke was way better. I did an eightball of coke that night and stayed up for a day and a half. I went home and fought my parents and ran away to my best friend's house and stayed on a coke bindge for 3 months. Over that period of time Iwas doing coke,speed,acid, mushrooms, and dabbling in pcp. One night I was so strung out, I called my parents and told them to call the cops on me cause I was out of control. I went back to the runaway shelter and stayed for 31 days. That didn't help anything. I got out and ran away again in search of drugs. I went back to my friends and found out they were doing the greatest drug of all, heroin. I tried shooting it up and i am not going to lie, it was the greatest feeling in the world and i really don't know how i quit doing it. I stayed with my friend for 5 months, and stayed in a haze most of the time. One cold freezing day my mom's friend decided I needed to go somewhere else and kicked me out. I moved around for the next 6 months, feeding my addiction off of other people. Stealing money, drugs, or whatever I could get my hands on. After a while people quit being so nice and stopped letting me stay or do any of their drugs so I got a fake i.d and started stripping at a cheap bar and even went home with a few clients, as long as money or drugs were involved. I was happy until I almost had to be rushed to the hospital because of an overdose. I decided to go home. When I came home, I weighed 97 pounds and I could hardly even stand but my dad was so angry he beat the living shit out of me and I passed out. When I woke up I was on my way to another rehab. My parents were so mad and scared the didn't really say much except good luck. NEVER do heroin and expect to guit cold turkey. Withdrawls are so horrible death seems like the only way to survive. My parents didn't come visit because they didn't understand what I was going through. They never did anything except smoke pot and heroin was just so horrible to them. After 5 months, I was going to NA,CA, and AA with adults and was fighting my addiction. I got out eventually and i haven't been back to a rehab since. I am 16 now and am clean and sober. I finally get along with my parents now alot better than I used to. We still have our fights but my dad and I both take medicine now for our anger and for our manic depression. It is by the grace of God I am here right now. I left out alot of personal things that happened that I really can't say to everyone who comes across this but I can tell you I have been through alot and I pray to God that the things I have gone through never happen to anyone. Iwill do anything I can to prevent that. well, thats it for now. I gotta get back to work. SerialPixi (Wendy)
Date of original Post: Thursday, April 6 2000
Zyrtle has given me permission to say that her Her Name is Jasmine and she is from the Philipenes.
I was basically a happy child. During my elementary years, I had no problems at home or at school. I had good grades and got honors. My family loved me very much. This went on until I reached highschool (when i was 12). I transferred to a new school and met new teachers and friends. When I was a freshman, there were no problems whatsoever but bad things started to happen when I became a sophomore...... The school hired a new male teacher whom I would call Mr. X. He was very intelligent and respectable. All of the students admired him, even me.... One day, when he dismissed our class (by the way, he handles our class just before the class dismissal), he told me to stay behind. I did. Then, he told me to close all the windows and the door. I asked him why, but he became angry so I complied with his wishes. After that, he told me to come over him and he started unbuttoning my blouse saying that he would give me a failing grade if I screamed or if I don't cooperate with him. I was scared and I immediately got my bag and my books and dashed out of the door. I was happy to be able to get out of the room, but that wasn't the end of the story.... Things were just beginning... As I was waiting at the jeepney stop, I felt a rough hand squeeze my shoulders. I turned around and saw Mr. X. I was shocked and became speechless. He dragged me back to the school and when I yelled, he slapped me hard on both cheeks sending me to a verge of tears. There was a woman who told Mr. X to stop but he ignored her and told her to mind her own business. At that time, nobody was in school but Mr. X and me, and probably the janitors. He dragged me to the teacher's lounge and sat me on the chair pulling my hair till I screamed and begged him to stop. He stopped and looked at me angrily that I kept quiet. After a while, he locked the door and said that even how loud I would shout, nobody would hear me. I began to scream and ran around the room but he just grinned. He then chased me and caught me, removing my uniform off. Everytime I struggle, he would slap me. That's when I stopped struggling, not because I gave up, but because I became weak at that time. He removed my blouse and he began to pinch my (u know what). When I lifted my head, he would pinch it harder and even I begged him to stop, he would just ignore me. He removed all of his clothes and ordered me to suck his thing. I refused to do it, but he flew into a rage and stripped the rest of my uniform and underwear off, beating me with his belt. It was so painful, and it was as if he was enjoying watching other people suffer. He then threatened to beat me harder if I don't give in to his wishes. He forced me on my knees and I just sucked his thing to avoid pain. I begged him to let me go after that ordeal but he just laughed it off. He forced my legs open and began doing what "men" enjoyed. I struggled and screamed but he ignored all of it. It was full of pain. I kept crying and begging but he just proceeded doing his stuff. He took away my virginity and after that, he was so happy because "it was the first time he had a virgin." He got dressed up when he was through and left the room. I quickly changed in my uniform and when I went out, he was still there. He held me and kissed me as I struggled to be free. He became mad again and told me that he would do that again many times. It was then he let me free. I never told anyone about it, and true to his word, he continued doing it until I was a Senior student. Then, I couldn't bear it anymore and I told my brother about it. You can't imagine how sweet he was. I just cried and he told me it was okay. The next day, my parents and brother filed a complaint against him. He received a subpoena and the trial is still going on and I hope Mr. X gets what he deserved. I just thought that if only I had told my parents and my brother what had happened to me when I was a Sophomore, this wouldn't have continued until I was a Senior. So to all the kids out there who were abused or are still being abused by your parents, teachers, or anyone, you should not hesitate or be afraid to tell someone because the faster you say it, the faster your nightmare will end. I am just glad that my nightmare is finally over and I am now recovering from my ordeal.
Date of Original Post: Sun, Mar 10, 2002
Hi! I've read some of the stories and I think this is a great website. I'd love to post my story and talk and give advice to anyone that wants it. Here's my info: Name: Paola Age: 15 I live in VA, USA.
Here's my story:
Hi! My name is Paola and I'm 15. This is still hard to tell...but I guess I should start from the beginning. I've lived in a nice home all my life, I've always had everything I needed to survive...and I have a mom, a dad, and a brother. From the outside, everything seems great. I have great friends, I go to a great church and I have so many great people in my life. But things aren't the way they may seem...
For example, me and my family...we get along most of the time, or at least, we used to. My mom and I are always getting into yelling fights, and when it gets too bad she gets my dad involved and he beats me up. Just two weeks ago this happened, and I had bruises on my arm, and a large chunk of my hair ripped out. These fights between me and him have been going on for a couple of years now...ever since I turned 12, our relationship as steadily gotten worse. I truly hate him, I know I'm not supposed to...I know that he hardly ever gets mad enough to hit me...but I hate him for all those times he has gotten that mad...for all the times he as hit me and abused me...physically or emotionally.
I've never been able to rust anyone easily...I'm just now starting to get help for things that have gone on in my past. Even when I was little...I was always afraid to trust anyone. When my best friend got me to join her church last year, the first thing I noticed was how many adults there was there. I had always been afraid of adults, and afraid of any kind of touch. As time went on...I started to see how everyone at church loved each other and I started to learn to trust again. At the same time, many things were happening in my life...
Me and my parents had been fighting a lot, and one night I felt like it was hopeless...so I ran off and decided to spend the night at these sewer tunnels. In the middle of the night, two drug dealers came and they shot at me, and one later touched me and he almost raped me...but thanks to God that didn't happen. Later on I got sucked into a bad relationship with this 19 year old guy...I was only 14. He also touched me in ways I didn't want to be touched...and when I got out of the relationship, he raped my friend out of anger and spite. The guilt of that is always going to be there. After all these things happened, I was hurt and depressed, and old memories came back and are still seriously haunting me...even to this day...
I remember so well about when I was about 6...one day at school during recess a man (who was probably a teacher) took me into a room and he raped and beat me. He threatened to kill me if I told...so I never told...until now.
All these things came to me at the same time last year...and I became severely depressed and even my grades showed it. By summer I was a wreck...and the increasing number of fights between me and my parents were really getting to me. I went on my first trip with my youth group and one night my youth pastor came and we talked...and I poured my heart out to him about the situation with my parents. Finally I had told an adult and I felt a great pressure taken off me. I still didn't trust enough to tell him about the other things on my mind...I still haven't. But just knowing that I could trust an adult...it's changed my life. I'm no longer terrified of being left alone with an adult...or to be touched by one...an adult can now place their hand on my back and I won't cringe...I'm slowly starting to heal...and talk about the things that have happened to me...and are still happening.
I know what it's like to feel alone and hurt. If you need someone to talk to...I'm here. You can e-mail me at FCBCbudgie@cs.com or IM me. Don't give up.
Original Post date unknown (late 90's)
the following was taken with permission from
The Information on this page is very discriptive and graphic I do not recommend anyone under the age of probably 13 read it, unless they can handle it, emotionally. If you do not wish to view this information on the ABUSE I suffered you may return to the Front page by clicks here
Hi, This is the section I have set aside from my "real" life and tell you about my past life experiences. Though I have come along way since then, It is still one of the hardest challanges to explain to others what has happened so please, be kind and realise that it is awefully hard to bring back memories of such detail. Thank you very much for your Kindness :@)
Alright...Ive been thinking about this a lot...I'm not sure what To write...there's so much that could scare you, harden your hearts..but Ive decided to tell it all the way it happend, that i can remember. I was a normal happy child through my younger years, did the typical things every kid did :@) went to school, played with my friends, ya know. Everything was great untill I turned 9. My twin sister and I shared a bedroom until then, we were now old enough and Mature enough to have our own rooms. Well, I was so excited! Little did I know the consequences that came along with freedom. Everything seemed to be fine...I wasnt afraid of anything, cept bugs :@) Things started to change ...My brother seemed to be getting into the bathroom by accident when I was in the shower. .and yes, the door was locked.. I could never figure out how he got in untill I finally realised the lock was just a privacy one..It really started to scare me, so I told my parents. They yelled and him and told him to stop, but it didn't, it just got worse! The next incident I can recall is the weirdest. I was sleep in my room and my parents were at work, in the summer time and my sister was sleeping..and I woke up to the opening of my door...It was my brother and I didn't think anything of it, just ignored it...untill I realised that all he was wearing was boxers, I started too flip out and told him to get lost or something similar..but he didn't... I put the covers over my head to hide but he pulled them off...It occured to me to fight but all I saw was a sharp object so I shut up quickly...I don't recall him saying anything all I remember is I started to cry as he pushed me to my bed and started to pull off my night gown. I figured he'd put that knife down, but he didn;t he left it beside him as he held my arms down and proceeded to force himself between my legs. I just layed their crying, it hurt so much..He didn't even care.. when he was done what he wanted to do, he picked up his stuff and left like it was nothing...I was so confused ...I thought he was supposed to love ..watch out for me, yet he hurt me? I went a had a hot shower..washing myself like crazy...My skin felt like it was going to bleed by the time I got out, all that scrubbing...didn't even feel clean. When My mom got home I went to go see her and my brother beat me too it, he glared at me and shook his head and I was scared, so I just left it at that, didn't bother saying anything. The next incident I believe I was most likely still 9. We had a camper in the front yard, for when we used to go camping, It was a hot summer day and I was in my bathingsuit and I remember going into the camper to get away from my sister, we had been fighting so I decided I was moving out into the camper *smiles* and so I brought my stuff outside and I laid down on one of the beds and fell asleep. I woke up to my brother sitting beside me, I couldn't figure out what he wanted so I asked..the look on his face said it all..I said No, go away, dont touch me, I'll tell..he just sat their laughing at me..I started to cry he started to pull on my bathing suit...I was terrified by now..he took it all off, I made quite to bruise on his arm by bitting...it was as if he didn't feel any pain.. cause he didn't stop! I remember him holding my arms behind my head and sitting on my stomach to keep me in place while he sat a stared at me..I was furious in tears, he once again parted my legs and I was yelling "No, its hurts" and he still went inside me against my plea...I just laid there praying silently to God to make it all stop, make him get off me and go away! once again he finished and left..I just sat their. .crying praying that God would take my brothers life, take his soul, change his mind..keep him away from me! I just wanted him to love me..not hurt me! I kept it a secret over th year..I was about 10 when we had family come stay at our house for a while, so I had to stay in a guest room which is now the computer room. I stayed up late watching TV and I woke up in the morning to my brother removing my clothes...it had been about half a year since he had bothered with me ...I thought it was all over... little did I know..He proceeded to pull my night gown off..I was beyond myself..I just started kicking and yelling "no" what good would it have done anyways? twice now I had begged him to stop, he didnt..always held me down so I couldnt move..there was no use ...I just gave up and started praying once again to God...I felt the blade of a knife against my side and I decided I shouldnt fight unless I wanted it in me...I had mentally prepared myself for the worst ...I just kinda let my tears fars and closed my eyes...it was strange... I didn;t want someone sucking on my nipples ...I didnt understand what the heck he was doing ...I figured he was going to climb ontop of me ..but he didn't..he grabbed onto my wrists and squeezed them real tight and put a sleeping bag over me ..I was confused...why did he have my hands under the sleeping bag with him? I felt my legs move apart and I felt this weird, wet feeling against my private part...I started to cry and got mad..I didnt understand it, it felt strange..yet kinda good.. that wasnt right...I just sat back trying to break my hands free from his grasp ...I lost my breathe..there was such a weird feeling going through my body ...I just sat back and cried as he left the room laughing...what a jerk.. .I was so mad...the rest of the year was great, my brother didnt bother with me! I was so thrilled, I thought it was all over! The last memory I have Is in the summer time when we were camping and I was 11 at the time and I was floating on my inner tube to the dock..when my brother came behind me and was pulling on my swim suit...I got mad and kicked him and floated back to the shore to my parents as soon as I could! I grabbed my stuff and went back to camp to lay down, I was away from them, everything would be okay! I wasn't feeling all that great and I started to fall asleep when my brother came running into my tent ..I was like "screw off, Im going to sleep and I dont recall much he seemed to have hit my head on something and I think I passed out for a few secondays because I woke up to his fingers inside me...I figured, Im not going to let this happen again, no way, so I started fighting back, I didnt care if he hurt me, I was going to get away! I started bitting so hard that he let go and left my tent and went back to the beach! I was so greatful...I left it at that...I just blocked my past out from then on..No one had to know about it, id survive! I was wrong..I eventully had my past broughten up with a boyfriend..and I knew that it started to get to my, I was 14...and I was lost, a mental wreck, needed some help... so I put my trust in God and asked him for the strength to tell my parents. ..and oneday, It just hapened I told my mum..she was calm and asked a few questions and told my dad. ..they confronted my brother and they didnt even need to tell them, he knew I told and he told them it all...My parents went to the police...I knew I needed a miracle..they took me in a took my statement..3.5 hours later I was allowed to leave, they pryed into my life, into my friends lives, my family was a wreck..they made me g o for numerous physical exams...the last thing I wanted was to know if I was sick, and have someones hands on me! But I couldnt refuse...I went and thank God I was okay...one of the doctors told me I was a nice kind , very strong and he was sad to say that I would turn to drugs or sex to deal with my pain. I was besides myself..I was so mad! There had to be something else! something worth living for! I went home in tears..I went to lay down and I just started to pray. .that God would come into my life, transform my heart and change my life, heal me, take me by the hand a guide me. You can read more about that in my Testimony! Anyways, right now things are going great My family is going to court.. My brother is expected to be sentenced for his crime next month! things are great, I am in therapy, Im almost done for now infact, Ive given my pain to God to heal! and Boy does he ever listen!! :@) God bless you all.. I am always hear for you guys. Take care! ~*Andrea~*
Original date of Post: Wed, May 31 2000
My dad has always been an alcoholic. Most of the memories I have of the holidays, which is when he drank the most, are him beating my mother. I would always try to stop it. After I begged him to stop for what seemed like forever he would. I never though he would hit me though. This summer (1999) he was drinking during one of those really hot days. During the middle of the night, I heard my mom screaming. I ran upstairs prepared for the worst. He had only been pushing her around by this point, so I pushed him away from her. He grabbed me by the throat and slammed me up against the bedroom door. I can still see that look in his eyes. He looked like he didn't care weather he killed me or not. My mom started hitting him as hard as she could in as many places as she could. Finally he let go of me. I ran downstairs to my best friend who was spending the night. I told her what happened and asked her if I should call the cops. She said yes so without a second thought, I did. When the cops got there, my friend and I had to go outside. My mom was still in the bedroom with my dad and the cops were going outside. The cops checked my neck for bruises and got the 411 on what had happened. When they brought my dad out, the police officer made my friend and I go to the side of the house. I can still hear him calling my name as if he wanted me to come out of hiding from him. After he was taken away I was aloud to go see my mom. I've never ran so fast in my life. I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I ran into the room and hugged her. My mom, best friend and I cried together and held each other for what seamed like forever. The next day the court called and said he was to have no contact with us for one month. During that month, my mom and I got to spend some time alone. We did mom daughter stuff like went out to eat, and went shopping together. We sat down one night and read a letter from my dad. In the letter he said he would get help for his alcohol problem, so we decided together to give him another chance. Things are pretty much back to normal now. My feelings towards my father will never be the same though. We can forgive people for their mistakes, but we most likely never forget. I understand what so many young people out there must be going through. After all I never thought that would happen to me. If you need help with anything, please email me. I would be glad to help you.
I grew up with abuse. I was sexually abused by 3 of my mom's 5 husbands. From age 3 to 20. My first stepdad for most of that period-age 3-14. My mom knew but was/is suffering a severe case of co-dependency. She wasn't really cut out for motherhood. She chose to allow the abuse to happen and believed that I was lucky to have these father figures who cared so much. At fifteen I found out that my sister was being abused by one of these guys and I gave my mom a chance to do something about it. She chose not to, so I did. I turned in her third husband to the police, leaving out the abuse by the other guys. Somehow, I felt no one would believe me if I said every one of my moms husbands was a child molestor. I now understand that her illness caused her to keep selecting the same type of guy. Anyway, I got justice once. It was worth it,although he only got 3 months in prison. I wish I could have mustard the courage to do the same with the other abusers, but it took all I had in me to just survive.
My mom was charged with neglect and I went into foster care. My sister went to live with her dad; my first abuser. To make a long story short, I went into his home for a few months before being sent out of state. As a child, I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't tell about his abuse because I had already broken up my family and by doing so, if I was even believed, would take my sister's only available parent. I couldn't do it to her.
I eventually ran away and located my real dad whom I hadn't seen since I was a baby. I went to live with him. He gave me a home and love and comfort.
All of this was too much for me and I had a nervous breakdown at age 17. I spent 3 months in a mental ward; not something I would recommend nowadays. My "real" dad decided the way to get through to me was to have sex with me. He said he was 'in love with me". My mind shut down for a long time, I overdosed on sleeping pills and truly wanted my life to end. I was found and taken to the emergency room just in time to have my stomach pumped. I don't remember a thing.
Anyway, by the time I was 20, I realized I had to quit waiting for someone to rescue me or take care of me; it simply wasn't going to happen. I decided it was up to me if I wanted to survive. The next 16 years were a struggle to make sense of all that happened. I have a family now and have broken the cycle of abuse. That is something I am very proud of.
I hope I didn't give you more than what you needed to know, it is always hard to summarize events such as these. My goal now is to be there for all the victims who just need someone to listen and understand. Thanks for providing the site and the time. God bless you! Robbin
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